...about the poor soul who allowed the cat to sit on their lap as long as she wished.
Alright, Person is only trying to scare you. It's a Halloween thing. But don't worry, I'll get up eventually...or will I?
But I have to say it is nice to see my old friend Mr. Bones again. When others in the house are thoughtlessly puttering about and there are no other laps to be found, he's always there for me.
Person has been too wiggly lately. I follow her from room to room telling her to stop already but she won't. Even when she's here in the office she's been up and down and up and down. It's really annoying.
She is my very own pet dog you know. They brought her home for me.
They told me they were going to get me a kitten, and being a bit of an expert on that subject (I'll let you in on a secret: long ago and far away people called me "Mama Kitty") I was a little taken aback when I saw what they came home with that day. They got the color of the nose right, but that was it. They apparently do not understand what a kitten is, but I love her anyway. And she is all mine.
Even though she is afraid of cameras, silly thing. A real kitten would know better...
Yeah, whatever. Cats are just naturally virtuous, we don't need to mess with that in any way.
Waiting for Person to finish the lights.
...then for the decorations. Don't they know I've been waiting for the return of my tree all year?
I even had to wait for my favorite-winter-spot bed to be washed. A towel on the floor, folks, this is what I was reduced to (never mind that there are at least 5 identical beds scattered throughout the house...this is the one I wanted to be in).
Aaaahhhh. That's more like it.
So the other day, Person had been paying an awful lot of attention to some dumb stuff on her desk. She was playing with the camera and it had nothing to do with me.
That kind of behavior is unacceptable.
"Flossie, get off the paper I'm going to draw on that later."
"Flossie, get down from there."
"Flossie, don't wrinkle that!"
Blah blah blah. Over and over again, I'd hop up, she'd have a little fit and put me back on the floor.
I pretended not to understand what he was trying to do.
I find it amusing.
He really tried. I almost felt sorry for him.
I mean, really determined.
"Keep shooting!" he'd say. "Go on, here, NOW!"
"Aw you missed it, that would have been perfect!"
Person just laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
I mean, really...all I wanted was to be picked up.
None of that worked. It never does. Dumb old Shmanuary.
For some unforeseen reason Person woke me up early this morning, shoved me into the dumb green box and took me in the car to that strange place again. The one that smells like other animals, where they all talk to me in cooing sweet voices and scritch me, then poke me and squish me and try to hold my mouth open. Try, hah. I would not even look at Person the whole time I was there. She knows she's in trouble.
But you already know what the worst part is. Dumb green box.
Dumb strange place.
Person always feeds me this phooey about how she's taking me there because she loves me. That's interesting, that's the exact same reason I scratch her on her nose and lips while she's sleeping.
Funny how that works.
Person seems to think this activity is important so I help with it whenever possible.
I test her to see how long she will continue to do it around me. Some days more than others.
Even though the lap is my favorite spot, I hold out until the last possible moment before stepping down to make myself comfortable.
At least this thing she does keeps her in one place. She's hardly wiggling at all. Not even for Dog or Other Person. They've both come in and out several times, but she's stayed here with me.
That's all I need. Lap Time is important.
Person has spent a lot of time here at the computer with me, reading stuff that sometimes has pictures of other cats on it. I've gotten a lot of extra-cuddly lap time while this was going on...reading is a nice, non-wiggly activity.
She started giving me some icky medicine every night. She had a long talk with me about how I was going to get this new food that I might hate but how she really needed me to eat it. Blah blah blah. As usual she didn't know what she was talking about. This new stuff is the most delicious thing I've had in months.
And don't tell Person, but the medicine isn't all that bad either...but we must never let them think that forcing stuff down our throats is acceptable behavior. I mean, come on.
Have you seen this?
I was busy with something else when I saw this pop up on the screen. I ran up to get a good front-seat spot...this was the best show I've seen in a long time.
I watched it 5 times before I could stand to look away. It made me so happy I immediately ate the little bowl of food Person has been following me around with for the past hour. Well, it made me forgot that I was trying to be hard-to-get with the food bowl...but I still think Dog needs to watch this and learn some cuddle-techniques. And see that some "dogs" like to have their mouths and necks licked by little cat tongues and they don't just turn their heads away like she does.
You're joking, right?
Does this look like the face of someone wanting to wear a hat?
I said, does this look like the face...?
I don't care if you saw it on etsy and fell in love because it was the cutest thing you had ever seen in your life and it came all the way from the UK and I absolutely had to have it.
I'm afraid you were wrong, Person...terribly, terribly wrong.
And no, my head is not too big for it because it's grown since I've become an internet-star. You must have gotten into my catnip. I don't even know what else to say about this.
I can't even look at you right now.
I mean, really.
Just leave me here with my dignity. Just leave. Go.
Oh, you're right, I am on your lap. Well then stay.
But I do hope we all learned a valuable lesson today.
Oh, it's you again.
You just want to taunt me, don't you? It won't work. The first time we met, I took you by the neck. But it was hard and thick. I couldn't even get you in my mouth. I picked you up by your tail. But you were heavy. When I picked you up and tossed you, you didn't bounce or fly away. You clunked. Clunked! You were quite loud. I was a little offended.
I may not know what to make of you, but I know enough not to fall for your innocent chirping. As cute as it may be. Chirping away and snapping that little beak every time I come near you. Nope, I won't fall for it.
Editor's note: This little guy has a motion-sensor and a very realistic chirp...and is highly recommended for bird-lovers of any species, although a little pricey for a cat toy. Person picked this one up for Flossie at the Smith and Hawken booth at the Northwest Flower and Garden Show a couple weeks ago...Flossie had not been feeling well but perked right up when she saw him, so it was well worth the expense.
When I knocked the scanner onto the floor yesterday morning this little book fell out of it and I saw there were pictures of me in it that Person hadn't shared with you. Because of that, I didn't feel at all bad about knocking the dumb thing over. Person should have been paying attention to these pictures of me instead of whatever she was doing.
Everyone does love Family Time. What's not to love?
I know you haven't heard much from me for a while.
It's true I'm still not feeling my best. But I have been here, doing what I do.
I have been watching videos of chimpanzees playing (I am fascinated by their pants and grunts).
I have been enjoying a particular movie trailer (person lets me watch it a lot, I especially like this part).
It's what I do.
It's my big piece of white furry stuff, the one that goes under my tree. Usually I only see it in December. But somebody put it on the back of the couch, in the sunny spot. I spent the entire day there.
Aaaahhhh. Sunny spot. I've missed you, sunny spot. And I've missed you, Christmas fur.
But then sometimes all that matters is that Person is home again, and that she brings that-thing-she-does-all-day out here where we can all enjoy the sun, the air, the birds chirping, bugs buzzing, and yes, you...the grass.
Person seems to have been playing with a box and packing paper yesterday and didn't even wake me up for it. Talk about rude. Good thing that when she started to fold it up and put it away last night, the crinkling was so loud I had to come running in to see what was making the racket. And why would someone want to fold this up and put it away anyway? What good is it then?
...no one can see the paper-covered Cat of Mystery.
That corner is asking for it. Do you see how that corner is asking for it?