flossie's world

My Hellephant.

If you are a follower of Regretsy, you will recognize Hellephant.  If you are not a follower, you may only know the site as a forum for snarky foul-mouthed commentary on bad crafting and dumb people. Sure, it's that, but wait, there's more! The site outs copyright infringers and fraudulent "handcrafters" selling mass-produced trinkets as handmade items, and Regretsy followers have donated crafts and artwork to raise funds for several charitable causes.  One particular item from a Regretsy charity sale caught my eye a couple months ago: "Hellephant Pet Costume, Fits Small Dog"  Well, sign me up!  For some reason I actaully thought I was buying a Hellephant hat, but you will see it's much more than that:
Unlike the original, this one is soft and clean, but not lacking any of the pathetic cuteness that has made Hellephant the icon that he is today ("GUESS WHAT I FOUND HIS MISSING EAR").

        -Flossie's Person.

 

You know, sometimes I have no idea what Person is thinking. 

Are you out of your effing mind?
You thought this was what?  Don't try to tell me the item description had the word "cat" in it; I can tell you it certainly did not.  This is very, very wrong, Person.
Seriously.  In what universe is this considered acceptable?
Why, Person, why?
I give up. But you can be sure that I will be walking across your lips with litterbox paws tonight when you are sleeping.         
You are sadly mistaken if you think I am going to rest while that thing is in my bed.
I am not impressed by the softness of this ear.
Don't you go thinking that this means anything at all.
It's just that there's nowhere else in the entire house for my head to go.
Zzzzzzzzz.
Don't look at me, I am NOT cuddling with it.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Yes, It's Me Again.

That is, it's ME being featured somewhere between your Two Buck Chuck and those yogurt covered pretzels you can't stop eating until they're gone.
They love me at this place (I mean, why wouldn't they?).  Remember this is my second appearance on these shelves.  Well, third if you count the fact that I actually modeled for this drawing even though Person felt some strange need to embellish the cat with stripes.  Whatever.

Anyway, enjoy ME.  Just your public service announcement for the day.

From the Flossie Archives: Flossie Like The Moon

Remember these guys? 
I miss them. Person never puts this on for me any more, I wish she did.

Very Important Cats of the World.

Person was finishing up her annual piece for this when Other Person and I noticed there seemed to be something missing. 

Other Person said, "Where's Flossie?"

(scribble scribble scribble, cut cut cut). 
That's more like it. 
Very Important Cats of the World, Featuring Flossie. 
Although we cats all got along famously here on the desk, we didn't want to upset any fragile egos 
what is that they call him 
"king of the something or other" 
blah blah blah 
So she stayed here at home when the art left for the zoo. 
It wasn't long before she was given a special title and a job, and she is now off on a great adventure. 
She will be sending us photos from time to time, and you can keep up with her on her new "On the Road" page from the link here in my sidebar.  

I, on the other hand, will be here at home, continuing to bring you all the wonderful me that you so desperately need. 
I'm just here to help.

Really?

You're joking, right?

Does this look like the face of someone wanting to wear a hat?

I said, does this look like the face...?

I don't care if you saw it on etsy and fell in love because it was the cutest thing you had ever seen in your life and it came all the way from the UK and I absolutely had to have it.

I'm afraid you were wrong, Person...terribly, terribly wrong.

And no, my head is not too big for it because it's grown since I've become an internet-star. You must have gotten into my catnip. I don't even know what else to say about this.

I can't even look at you right now.

I mean, really.

Just leave me here with my dignity. Just leave. Go.

Oh, you're right, I am on your lap. Well then stay.

But I do hope we all learned a valuable lesson today.

What a Wonderful World.

Have you seen this?

I was busy with something else when I saw this pop up on the screen. I ran up to get a good front-seat spot...this was the best show I've seen in a long time. 

What a lovely story. This kitten's pet dog looks a little like mine...same big ears and long pointy nose. 

I have to sneak up on my dog to get prime belly-spot like this.  I think Person needs to show this story to Dog. 

I love this video. Why doesn't Person have things like this on the screen all the time? 

I watched it 5 times before I could stand to look away. It made me so happy I immediately ate the little bowl of food Person has been following me around with for the past hour. Well, it made me forgot that I was trying to be hard-to-get with the food bowl...but I still think Dog needs to watch this and learn some cuddle-techniques. And see that some "dogs" like to have their mouths and necks licked by little cat tongues and they don't just turn their heads away like she does.

Meatloaf? Seriously?

"Cat:  One hell of a nice animal,
frequently mistaken for a meatloaf."
       -the talented and insightful B. Kliban 1935-1990

 

 

 

I beg your pardon.
Did I just hear you call me a meatloaf?
 
Whatever.

(editor's note:  click on the Kliban cartoon for a link to the official website with lots of cool stuff).

Hey, wait.

Who thought this was funny, anyway?
Not me.

Who's the wise guy pulling stuff like this out of the archives, don't they have better things to do?

I will definitely be marching back and forth across the piano at 3am tonight. All the way up and all the way down again.

Clean Your Desk, Will Ya?

I mean, come on.
Gross.
Have a little respect.